It is amazing how much you can love a baby before it is even conceived.
Yesterday I saw baby #5, a tiny embryo, by ultrasound. I saw the little heartbeat. I was relieved to learn that baby #5 was indeed just one baby, though I would have been happy with whatever number Heavenly Father blessed us with.
What I didn't know then was that baby #5 was smaller than he/she should have been. I don't know exactly what was wrong, but today we lost our tiny little one. I was 7 weeks pregnant.
It was a hard day. It was very scary at first. I was blessed to have my husband and little ones comforting me. I got lots of extra hugs and snuggles today, and was surrounded by sweetness and unconditional love.
I don't understand everything, but I know that what happened was the will of our Father in Heaven. I also have faith that we will be blessed with another healthy child at some point. For now, I will blanket the ones I do have with my love, and help them to feel the love of their Heavenly Father, who sent them to us.